After spending months studying for the LSAT, I was so relieved to have some free time to just do nothing, and not have to feel guilty about it. I spent that time getting caught up on TV shows and expanding my hulu account. But 2 weeks into my mini-vacay, I’m feeling rather bored. Pregnancy is making me depressed. Not in a chemical way, but in a “I can’t do anything anymore” kind of way. A google search of “fun things to do while pregnant” (I know, I’m sad) brings up results upon results of date night ideas… which adds to the depression. Most moms-to-be have a father-to-be that is along for the ride with them. They have to understand your pregnancy woes, as they are the ones who helped in the ordeal. Together, couples can find relaxing and fun ways to pass the time all the while remaining respectful to the pregnancy. Friends, on the other hand, don’t have to respect your pregnancy. Friends don’t stop drinking and going to bars because you can’t drink. Friends continue on, living their life, inviting you along. The thing is 99% of the activities my friends do, I can’t participate in. I mean, I suppose I could pay $80 to go to a theme park to go on about 20% of the rides, and spend the other 80% being the bag holder… umm, no thanks. And honestly, going to a bar sober every once in a while is fine, even fun sometimes. But to do it day after day after day while everyone is boozing and drinking and hitting on people and you just have to sit there, sober, with a belly ache, barely fitting into your jeans and sipping water… well, it gets old. And it’s not like I can really go out and date anyone. Afterall, who wants to date an expanding woman who is carrying a child that isn’t theirs. Sure, I dabbled a bit on match.com and had guys emailing me, but most of them failed to read my profile that I was actually expecting, and one guy even emailed me telling me I was crazy for being on there while pregnant. I guess the truth is since my ex left me, I just have to deal with the fact that there is going to a void in that “area” of my life until after I give birth. And it’s not that I even need to have a man around, because I love being single. It’s just that sometimes, it’s nice to have a more intimate person around than a friend. And you know, it wouldn’t all be so bad if I could throw my own movie nights or dinner nights, but since I have to live at home right now, I can’t even do that. And it wouldn’t be so bad if I even had a room to sleep in, or a bed, but I don’t have those things either. And I know I sound very complainy when I should be grateful I’m not living on the streets, but it’s all just very frustrating and depressing. Most nights I sit in a freezing cold trailer with my laptop and read msn.com out of sheer boredom. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being pregnant and love the thought that soon I’m going to be a mama in my own right, it’s just lonely right now and I’m stuck in a place where I can’t yet plan for the future, which is annoying. And the everyday thoughts about what my LSAT score is going to be…. and the fact that I was super sick while taking it doesn’t make me feel very confident. I suppose if I have to take it again, the studying will at least give me something to do…. I just realized how sad/boring my life was becoming when at my friend’s kid’s birthday party we were playing Rock Band and I realized that was the most fun I was going to have probably in weeks. Le sigh.
Ramblings of a pregnant woman