Category Archives: Opinion
Recently, my bestie did a blog where she asked 10 males from all walks of life (different ages, beliefs, experiences, and relationship statuses) 10 questions all of us ladies have always wanted to know, to get their honest answers once and for all. See it here.
Now going through this… all I have to say (which I said out loud quite a few times actually) is BULLSH*T!!! Let’s break it down question by questions….
Question #1: “What do you look for in a girlfriend?”
Most guys’ answers: Be yourself and a good personality.
What I really think they mean: Someone who will never deny me sex and who will let me spend as much time as I want with my friends… without them.
Why are they telling us what we want to hear? Guys don’t really want a woman who will just (waaahh) be themselves and cuddle on the couch. Pla-ease. They want a chick who isn’t jealous, doesn’t expect romance, won’t nag them, doesn’t mind falling in the toilet… etc. That’s the real answer. Blair is the only one I think is being remotely honest, and he says, “Let me drink beer and smoke weed every day.”
Question #2: “What matters most, looks or personality?”
Most guys’ answers: Personality.
What I really think they mean: Doesn’t matter as long as she has sex with me on a consistent basis.
Hot, stupid, smart, average-looking… doesn’t matter how you look or how awesome you are, he will leave you or worse (cheat) if he isn’t getting any.
Question #3: Do guys what “girly” girls or “chill” girls?
Most guys’ answers: Chill girls who are hot.
What I really think they mean: Girly.
I guess it comes down to how you really define these terms. So I pose the question to you men, when you hear “girly”, what does that mean to you? I assume most guys think “high-maintenence”. But what the hell does that even mean??? I don’t think men really know what they’re getting themselves into if they don’t want a high-maintenence girl… Do you really want a woman who can keep her razor fresh for 2-3 months? We all love a girl who can go out without makeup, but do you really want a woman who honestly never wears ANY makeup. Or brushes her hair. Or owns heels? There is a reason why Playboy exists… no one has a fantasy of a chic with messy hair, un-plucked eyebrows, a ‘stach (we all have em… and we all pluck/wax em). And let’s not even mention the down-there situation.
Sure a girl who drinks beer and owns a Football jersey (or 7) is H-O-T… but can she burp hot sauce in your face and rip one too? I don’t truly think men know what they’re getting themselves into with this answer…
Question #4: Basically… how do you hit on a girl? (my synopsis of the question)
Most guys’ answers: Blah blah blah… I buy her a drink, yada yada yada, I look in her eyes, BS BS BS, I talk to her.
What I really think they mean: Men don’t hit on women. EVER!
Or maybe it’s just me… men don’t hit on me. EVER. Seriously. Now, I think I’m a catch. I’m cute enough. I dress coordinated (mostly). Most days I brush my hair. But the last x amount of men I’ve dated was because I HIT ON THEM! I can’t remember the last boyfriend I’ve had who hit on me first. One guy I dated I even had to send him my number via facebook TWICE. Yes, twice, because he deleted my number the 1st time! How rude!! Maybe it’s a vibe I’m sending out (desperation). Maybe they realize how amazing I am and are intimidated (I wish!!) I have no clue. But it sucks! Hit on me, please! It would make my night!
Question #5: “Is it ok for women to ask the guy out and/or make the first move?”
Most guys’ answers: Almost unequivocally YES.
What I really think they mean: YES.
Okay, guys are lazy and guys are insecure so the best solution to this one is have the women do the work! Then they don’t have to put anything out there, and they know they have it in the bag… I see what y’all are doing here and I call your bluff… I’ve had a standing order for awhile now. I’m no longer hitting on men at all or making the first move. See above for how that’s working out for me (it isn’t).
Qustion #6: a favorite… “Does a guy lose respect for a girl if she sleeps with him on the first night?”
Most guys’ answers: Some weird combination of (paraphrase) “I won’t lose respect for you but you’re no longer girlfriend material”. Mmmkay, whatever that means…
What I really think they mean: I’ll say what you want to hear so you’ll have sex with me, then I won’t date you. And I’ll tell all my friends how easy you were. Sucker.
Guys are evil. Seriously. Guys are all: “women empowerment! have sex when ever you want! with whoever you want!” Then they’re like: “sluts”. Then they’re like: “yeah baby I like you so much, wanna stay over? I feel like I know you so well already even though it’s only been 1 date.” Then they’re like: “I’m too busy for a relationship.” what. the. hell. I honestly don’t think a man will ever tell a women NOT to have sex with them on the first night because it would be breaking some sort of unspoken man-code. From now on, I’m going with the fictional J-Lo book from HIMYM of no sex until 17 dates. And maybe not even then.
Question #7: What does it really mean when a guy tells you “I don’t have time for a girlfriend/relationship”?
Most guys’ answers: He’s just not that into you.
What I think they really mean: He’s just not that into you.
Why can’t they just be that honest from the get-go? No matter how “empowered” women say they are, to 99% of us sex=relationship. Stop having sex with us if you don’t want a relationship. PERIOD. Seriously, no matter what we tell you. We’re lying. Just like you’re lying when you say you’re too busy (you’re not) or the worst one, “you wouldn’t want to date me because of ________ (insert ridiculous situation)”. Ummm, yes we would want to date you even though you’re broke and unemployed because we’re WOMEN and we had sex with you. And now we’re in love. G. Rowden puts it best when he says, “If the guy truly cares about the girl, he will make time for her, no matter what.” Thank you sir.
Question #8: How long until our relationship is official? (my summary of the question)
Most guys’ answers: No official amount of time, it should be something that is “communicated”.
What I really think they mean: Official? Oh, I don’t have time for a girlfriend. Thanks for all the sex though.
Seriously, most guys RUN when the official word is brought into play. The needs-to-be-retired line comes to mind: “Why do we have to put a title on this baby? Can’t *you* just go with the flow?” Ugh, and they always make it a way to pin *you* as crazy!!! Ladies, it is perfectly ok and normal to want a commitment. Don’t ever let a man make you feel crazy for wanting it laid out. Sure, it may just be a word (boyfriend), but with it comes peace of mind and responsibility… that’s what they’re really trying to get out of.
Question #9: “Does commitment scare you?”
Most guys’ answers: No.
What I really think they mean: YES. Dear God YES.
The amount of men getting married later on in life and the less amount of men marrying early in life, coupled with the divorce rates and the amount of single mothers out there proves that men are afraid of commitment, and are not sticking things through. Relationships are HARD. They’re work, and it’s not always going to be sunshine and butterflies. Some days are going to be downright awful, where you hate the other person and can’t even look at them. I always say love is what exists after the fluttery feeling floats away. It’s the respect, the friendship. I was living with a guy at one point who still couldn’t even talk about getting married. I have a kid with a guy who says he doesn’t want commitment (a KID!). I don’t think there’s a bigger commitment than that. There’s a book out there by someone that talks about “Guyland”, and I fully agree. Most guys under 30 (and some in their 30’s) still live in Guyland. Guyland is like extended college/frat years. They still have roommates, they still drink to get drunk, they still hook up with women randomly, they still set out time for video games, they are still “working” on their career. They rely on their parents or roommates for financial help, and they defer REAL responsibility as long as possibly. Guys in Guyland don’t want relationships. And sadly, most guys I know of in our age bracket are in Guyland. And they don’t graduate from it until their 30’s.
*sidenote* where do I meet 30 year olds?!
Question #10: “What’s more important- success or love?”
Most guys’ answers: 6 love-3 success-1 unsure
What I really think they mean: Themselves.
Okay…. so maaaaaybe I’m slightly bitter. I’m sure a few of those guys meant a few of those answers. But the facts are the facts. My commentary is based soley on my experiences and the experiences of my friends. If most men really thought what these 10 men answered, I don’t think us women would be so scornful, or crazy. Trust me though, I want to be proven wrong.
*I’m being like 98% sarcastic and 2% real. Or maybe it’s 2% sarcastic and 98% real. Either way, don’t take me too seriously, I don’t!*
I know I would totally use my cell phone to make payments over having to carry plastic around, plus less plastic is better for the environment in the long run. I really think one day we will be able to do everything from our cell phones and won’t have much need for a wallet/purse anymore. I’m talking starting our cars from an app, paying from an app, and eventually having all of our personal information in an app. I could see the DMV being digitalized one day and you hold your driver’s license information on your cell phone, along with your car insurance, etc. It’s all scanable and protected.
With all this coming in the future, they really need to find a way to beef up mobile security, I have read recently that it’s one of the least secure of all our devices.
Tell me… would you use a payment system through your cell phone or iphone?
This enrages me. A lot. Arresting someone on an “obscenity” charge? What the hell is that? I understand very well that the content of the book is highly immoral and gross… but it IS just that: a book. He didn’t do anything (in this particular instance). The guy wrote a book. Isn’t this clearly protected under our 1st amendment protections? I mean, when Thomas Paine wrote “Common Sense“, he committed treason against the crown. He actually broke the law, he encouraged war, death, fighting, treason… He was one of the worst offenders ever to have existed. Yet, we look at him and his book full of fallacies as heroic. Now, I’m not going to even try to argue that what this guy is doing is heroic. Maybe it is to someone, somewhere.
But what he has done IS protected by our constitution, as it should be. It’s unfortunate these days what we as a society choose to give up to prosecute child molesters. Yes, they are the worst of the worst, but I will always believe, at least philosophically, that our rights, our constitution is more important. And yet again I quote the great Ben Franklin “Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.” I guess it is difficult for most people to see what exactly our constitution is in the big picture of the history of the world. We are the only country in the history of the world to protect these freedoms… and yet, here we are, blatantly taking them away for some temporary safety. Even though we’ve seen what happens throughout history in other countries who have gone down this path… Dictatorships and no freedom whatsoever.
It reminds me of the movie V for Vendetta, where people become to scared to say anything because they will be persecuted if they say the wrong thing. I can’t help but think that maybe one day I will arrested for writing this blog, so-called “defending” the pedophiles. But the public are ignorant, and ignorance causes blindness. It becomes the “with us or against us” mentality, which by the way commits the fallacy of bifurcation and is a completely illogical way of thinking. I wish I could buy this book, I almost did order it when Amazon was selling it. What is really sad is that what stopped me was that I was literally afraid that it may come back to get me in trouble one day. I thought maybe I’ll be investigated for pedophilia, or maybe arrested for violating some obscenity charge. I wanted to read this book, not because I want to make love to children, but because I was genuinely curious, as an intellectual, what all the fuss was about… was it really that bad? that graphic?
It’s akin to wanting to read Mein Kampf in attempting to study the psychology of Adolf Hitler. I actually own that book, and I do display it proudly on my bookshelf. Am I racist or antisemitic? Hell no. Am I fascinated and intrigued by one of the world’s most powerful leaders to have ever existed, of course. I guess my point in all this is, we have the right to make a book about molesting children. As terrible as that sounds, we have that right. And we also have the right to not read that book, or talk badly about that book, or buy that book. And none of those actions should have legal consequences. There is no place for morality in law. Morality is fickle and unstable. It’s temporary and it’s easily turned by the masses. Morality and reason are often the opposite of eachother. 60 years ago it was immoral for blacks and whites to attend the same schools, and that was the law. Now we all know and see how fucking retarded that was. Now it’s pedophiles and gays. When will people become educated and start using reason more? I honestly hope that the Colorado mayor doesn’t extradite him on these ridiculous charges. And if it goes to trial, I worry because the Supreme Court isn’t ready to rule on these issues yet. And it’s sad that these days we can’t trust our lower court systems to make the reasonable decisions and follow… I dunno… that thing called the Constitution.
- Pedophilia guide pulled from Amazon (boston.com)
- Should an Incredibly Disturbing Guide to Pedophilia Be Banned? (thegloss.com)
DISCLAIMER: This post is not in regard to any one person or situation in particular. It’s based 99% on generalities and my usual babbling, and 1% of actual truth.
I guess there is a fine line with being a guy’s friend. Especially if you have a history with them. But what’s sad is when their insecure girlfriends become jealous or uncomfortable with you when they have no reason or no proof of any wrongdoing. Trust me, of all people on this planet, I am probably the MOST guilty person of this. With some of my exes, I was VERY, IMMENSELY jealous of their gal friends and exes. Some of which I had good reason, some of which I didn’t. This must be one of the first times in my life where I am single and all my “guy friends” have girlfriends, because I am suddenly noticing this trend increasing.
It actually depresses me when I hear that a girlfriend is uncomfortable with me. First of all, since I’ve been there, I would never do that to another woman. Now the me of the past might have done something so awfully selfish, but the things I have experienced in the past year or so have changed my perspective and thus my actions. I have had several chances to hook up with a guy who had a girlfriend, so commit to a shady act with someone who was taken, yet everytime I have turned them down. Yes, I do it because it’s the right thing to do, but mostly I’ve done it because that’s not a very satisfying relationship for ME, and that’s ultimately what I’m looking for. Hooking up or flirting with a man who is otherwise taken in some aspect only creates drama, and I’ve finally come to a place in my life where I don’t want that, I don’t need that, and I can FINALLY see it coming, so I simply just don’t go there.
But what makes me sad is I genuinely hate not being friends with those I’ve been close to; boys and girls. I’m a tough person to understand and “get”, and once someone accepts me for who I am and actually likes me for it, well, I try to hold onto that person for dear life! And these other women, these other insecure women, they destroy that for me. And I get it, I really do. But honestly, I’ve learned in life that you really can use all the support you can get from friends. I’ve gone through some very rough spots of life, and what has saved me over and over hasn’t been church, or god, or drugs or alcohol, its been my friends. And right now I’m in one of those spots, where I need my friends, I need their love and support.
Maybe I’m the one being selfish here, and not them. Sure, I can see it that way. I need their friendship and support, and they need a secure relationship. Ultimately, I guess love wins over friendship. And it’s sad that it typically has to be an either/or situation. I’ve cut down my friends a lot in the past few months, deciding that the drama of keeping their friendships just isn’t worth the benefits. And again, I find myself making that choice. It’s just WAY too exhausting for me anyways, to have to deal with it all. Having to watch what you say because you don’t want to offend anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings. Not looking at someone in the eye when they’re talking too long or else it’s deemed as flirting. Making sure certain people are present when you want to just go out with your friends (i.e. It’s okay to go out with Lizzy as long as X, Y, AND Z are present, but not just X, and NEVER just Lizzy). It’s like a fucking math equation. Honestly, I can’t predict if what I say or do (within reason) is going to offend anyone. And I don’t want to. Yes, I’ll be empathic if I do hurt someone’s feelings, but I don’t see any empathy coming the other way, there’s no empathy for me. I’m just the evil ex. Period.
I’m not mad though, I’ll just call it karma and say now we’re even.