Tag Archives: Break Up

How I met your father

Damn, it’s scary how a time frame of 6 months can change your entire life and it’s path. There’s an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted, the narrator and main character of the show, talks about how his life might have been completely different if he had gone right instead of left one day. And it really is that simple. When I tell my daughter the story of how I met her father, and how quickly my entire plan changed, it will come down to just a few minute tiny decisions.

The night I met Nick was about 6 months ago on Cristina’s birthday weekend. We were actually wearing shirts from the TV show that said “Have you met Lizzy?” and “Have you met Cristina?” Cris decided that we would start at PB bar and grill and then bar hop from there. Except we never left PB bar and grill. A long ago friend had recently been in touch again, James, and I knew he lived in PB. I texted him the night we were out to see if maybe we would end up at the same bar. Literally, as we were on our way out to go to Moondoggies, James texted me saying he was at PB bar and grill. So I took the opportunity to see him, and that’s one reason I met Nick. If he had texted me 5 minutes later, we would have been gone already, not looking back. I would have never met Nick, and wouldn’t be pregnant right now with my first child.

The night of Cris’ birthday, her friends and I decided that we would play a little game with her… more like for her. If we (the friends) decided that a guy was a 8 or higher on the hotness scale, then she had to either hit on him or take a shot. It’s a win-win… she gets her flirt on, or gets wasted. Well, Nick happened to be the first guy we all came across and agreed upon, and Cristina quickly passed for the shot. If we hadn’t made up that game, or if Cristina had decided to get her flirt on, things would have been so different.

There were several of James’ hot friends at the bar that night. Nick happened to be the first one we met due to the game we were playing, but there were several others I was certainly into and attracted to. Nick or someone else told me that one of the guys happened to be gay, even though he wasn’t. If they hadn’t jokingly told me that… I may have ended up with a completely different person, and thus a different path.

I was also seeing several men the night of Cristina’s birthday, and one of them was invited to come out with us. He ended up getting off of work later than expected, and had to pick up a friend to come with him. And since they lived rather far from PB, by the time they arrived, it was already a shit show, and Nick and I had already been flirting. If that guy had gotten our of work on time, maybe took 3 less deliveries, he may have shown up before I met any other guys, and thus I would’ve been flirting with him all night, and never would have been interested in Nick.

There’s a slew of reasons how we happened to meet, and what ended up with me being pregnant and will end up with a beautiful baby girl. But it’s truly insane to look back and say only 6 months can alter something so drastically and so permanently. All of the factors were so little, yet they added up to this extraordinary event. Hindsight is 20/20 and when we’re in a sad or stressful moment it is hard to imagine a totally different life in a year from now, or 6 months, or 5 years. But it does happen. As stressed as I may be right now, I know that in x amount of time, however long or short it takes, things will be different. I would have never ever ever guessed back then that all that alcohol and embarrassment would result in the most important thing of my life coming about. Life or God or whomever you would like to call it has a weird way of working for sure. Whether or not free will exists, the path life takes us on is the most confusing, messed up journey we could imagine, and one we would never hope for, but also one we would never take back for the life of us. The past year of my life has been so crazy and tragic and happy and insane that I simply have no clue what the future will bring, what it even could bring. I never thought I’d be having a baby this soon, yet here she is in my belly. I never thought it would take me this long to complete my post-grad education and law school, yet here I am, 4 years after getting my BA, about to start law school all over. It’s all one big miracle, that we get anything accomplished at all. The next 6 months should be one for the books, that’s for sure. And I can’t wait for the big reveal.

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Rule #4

Rule #4: Don’t Beg

Now we’ve all been there. Especially me. I’ve Definitely been there!! But as I grow up and learn, I also realize there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to ever beg a man to be with you. EVER. ever.

I googled “begging to be with someone” and this was the first thing to pop up:

“My boyfriend and I were together for a year. We were fighting a lot and I kinda knew the breakup was coming. Well it happened and he said, “I just don’t feel the same about you anymore.”

I’m still heartbroken over it. It’s been about 2 weeks, and I’ve begged him to come back and give me another chance but he just won’t. The reason we fought so much was because I was so jealous and clingy and sometimes controlling.

I understand what I was doing wrong, and I wrote him a long letter begging him to come back and I admitted all my wrongdoings, but it still wouldn’t work. And everybody says to act like it doesn’t bother me, act like I’m fine and happy when I’m around him and I do; I act happy and I act like my hyper self, and it kinda seemed to work a little, but I guess not because I saw him with another girl last night and I know he likes her.

Its killing me and I want him back SO badly…what do I do?”

Now just reading this does 2 things to me….1. It makes me sad for myself, since that’s how I used to be. I was pathetic! And 2. It makes me want to slap this girl across the face. I mean c’mon!! A guy is not the end all be all of life. No one should ever stoop this low to be with a man. I mean really?

And why would you want to? No person is so terrible or fat or ugly that there is not another single person on this planet who could possibly want them. So why in God’s (or whoever’s) name would you ever want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with you? I used to think that if someone didn’t want me it was because there was something wrong with *me*. But now I know different. Now I don’t give a fuck why that person doesn’t like me anymore. I’m not meant for every guy. That would be way to many guys in love with me. Not every guy needs to be “that into me”. So if a guy doesn’t call, or breaks up with me, or doesn’t ask me on a second date. Cool. He obviously wasn’t the one for me.

If you have that attitude then when it comes to dating and relationships, there should be NO reason to ever have to beg someone to ask you out again, ask them to take you back, or beg them not to leave you. Grow up, get a pair, and remember that as women, we have the upper hand. We have the boobs, which means we have the power. And usually (not a 100% guarantee or anything), but usually, once you adopt this attitude, the guy who left you comes running back. Its happened to me personally a number of times. And if he doesn’t? Oh well. You know what they say. Rule #5: The best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else.

Rule #3

Rule #3: Always get A’s

I love talking to my bestie’s boyfriends/husbands. You always get this inside privileged info that I swear Man Council would ex-communicate them for telling. Tonights rendition of give away the secrets of Mars was more or less along the lines of what I’ve been talking about all along: he’s just not that into you. When I’m playing the field and/or dating casually, a list seems to unintentionally occur. And it’s a lot like a grading system. There are A’s, B’s, C’s…. etc. And I didn’t make this up either. I can not remember where I originally heard it from, but it is brilliance none-the-less.

The A’s are the guys you look forward to hearing from. They are the ones you almost always text back right away. You answer their call every time. If they ask you for plans, you make them. 2 weeks in advance. They are the Jolie-Pitts of your dating world, if the Jolie-Pitts invite you to dinner, god damn it, you accept, no questions asked. Like Lacey’s boyfriend Rick said, you’d have to have an almost ridiculously comedically impossible out-of-this-world excuse to say no. Like: “most random thing, a friend won passes to opening night of Twilight 3!!!!!” (nevermind the fact that it’s Twilight 3). BUT he made a good point, in the process of saying no for a VERY good reason, you make concrete rain-check plans, like: “how about we go see Shrek 4 this Friday instead?”. You ALWAYS lock down an A.

The B’s are the guys who you like to hear from, but for some reason or another aren’t currently as interested in as the A’s. However, it’s very easy to move from a B to an A. Sometimes you start as a B, and as the dates progress, you move to an A. Being a B isn’t necessarily something bad, it could be that there’s not enough of a connection yet. A B is the guy you make plans with during the week. The weekend is prime real estate, only the A’s get the weekend. But the B is also the back up plan. 11:00 rolls around and no A, text the B. During the week though is typically the B’s time. I’ll text a B back around 75% of the time. I’m interested, but sometimes you really have nothing important to say, and I don’t really care to continue the all-day text fest that the A’s get. But like I said, the B’s are in a good position. If a B treats you well, and follows through, he can become an easy A. However, if a guy your sort of into keeps blowing YOU off, he quickly moves down to a C.

The C’s are borderline. If you’ve ended up with a C, you’re either barely interesting enough, or you’ve annoyed me, or blown me off one too many times. Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve really liked some C’s. But a girl has got to have some pride in herself. There are certainly two distinct C’s, like I said. The most common type IMO is the ones that, like I said, you are really into, but they’re not so into you, and you’ve had enough. You’ve flirted, given your number, and even invited out a few times. Somehow they always turn you down while still managing to keep you on the string. During that time period, they are usually B’s to you. You don’t expect much, but you want to hear from them. But once the pride factor kicks in, a guy will almost always drop to a C. And I think it is because if a guy is doing this to YOU, then most likely you are a C to HIM!

Which brings me to my point: Ladies, we only want to be A’s… maaaaaaaybe a B. But if you’re to a point where you can def tell you’re becoming a C girl… That’s when you change the guy’s name in your phone to “don’t reply” and you tell him he’s blown you off one too many times and 1. you’re better than that, and 2. you don’t have time for that bullshit. And you walk away. Don’t stoop so low that you’re a C girl, or worse. I’m not so old fashioned that I don’t think you can’t hit on a guy or ask him out occasionally. But if his track record is 0-60%, sorry, but you’re a C. And dating is one area where we don’t need to be average. Whoever the guy is, he’s just not that into you, and you need to move on.

Rule #1

The Rules: Rule #1

Now I don’t like calling them rules, because it denotes I’m playing some sort of game, or suggesting the like. Truth is, 1, dating is sort of a game, and 2, I don’t use these rules to “play” men, but these are just things I do or don’t do that I’ve been successful at. I think, what advice would I give my little sister about men and dating and these are the rules I’ve come up with.

A few weeks ago some girlfriends asked how is it that, in their words, I have “men wrapped around my finger?” . Truth be told I never thought about it that way. I just approach men an dating in a very fearless and confident way and somehow I guess that attracts men. Not always the good ones, mind you, but it works none the less. After a very honest look at myself I did realize I may be the female version of Swarley- Swarla if you will. Only I don’t one night stand guys. Ever. I guess that could be rule #2.

Rule #1 is never to ask for a guy’s number. Ever. Either be direct and give him yours, or play coy and wait for him to ask you for your number. The way I see it, there’s 2 types of guys: those who go after what they want, and those who think maybe you’re too hot for them and are too shy to ask. The first kind of man will be the one who ends the convo with, well can I call you sometime? Then boom, give your digits if you’re interested. The second type, more my type, is the kind you just say: hey, you’re hot, here’s my #, call me sometime. If they call, there you have it. Guys aren’t mysterious. They won’t ask and/or call of they’re not interested. If they don’t call, no big deal, there may be a million reasons, none of which are your fault or problem. Move on.

Last night I realized that literally every guy I’ve dated in a LONG time I’ve hit on first. Almost all of them I offered my number without them asking, and I have a fairly good rate of return. Now I’ve given my number A LOT of times and got nada. Which is fine. He just wasn’t that into me. I’m not for everyone. BFD. For example, I recently messaged my number on FB to a guy I went to highschool with saying to hit me up sometime. I know he’s seen the message since he’s been online since. But he never texted me. And that’s 100% perfectly fine. Because even tho he is hot and I had a big crush on him in highschool, it is what it is, and there are plenty of more men out there for me who are deserving of my time. Like I said before, guys are simple creatures, they like you=they call. He’s just not that into me.

Another reason why I think it is okay to give a guy your number is because people always assume that I get hit on all the time. I DON’T!!! My friends get hit on WAY more than I do. I don’t know why either. Sometimes it bothers me, or hurts my feelings. I try to keep a positive outlook on it. But another guy recently explained to me something I hadn’t thought about before, I thought I’d share it here in case you’re like me and wondering, well I’m kinda cute enough, why don’t guys hit on me??

He said that when he (at least) sees a group of girls, he would never go for the hottest one because he (at least) doesn’t think he is the most attractive guy on the planet (he’s hot), and therefore wouldn’t go for the hot girl, because he assumes he’ll be shut down, and no guy wants to be rejected. So he either goes for the less-than-hot friend, or doesn’t bother talking to them at all. This particular person also said that had I not come on strong and given him MY number, he would have NEVER hit on me EVER. Interesting right? Now I personally don’t think I’m all that amazing. I mean, I’m one of the smartest people I know (LOL, if not THE… JKJK), but I’m okay looking. I’m cute. But maybe I’ll just go on believing this man’s logic to make myself feel better 😀

I guess the point of that story is that if you’re one of those girls who NEVER gets hit on, maybe you’re too intimidating, like I’ve been told I am. So women, step up and go after what you want. But if you do, and he doesn’t call, don’t go crazy with the stalking. LOL. A guy WILL contact you if he wants to. If not, you’ll just become the creepy FB stalker girl to all his other friends.

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