Tag Archives: Flirting

New Rule: Get Naked

Figuratively that is. Although literally may help.

We hear a lot of talk in magazines and online and in TV shows about “vulnerability” and “exposing your soul”. Or maybe I’ve just been watching too much of The Bachelor. But it’s hard to tell what the hell that really means. Does it mean to confess your love on the first date? Does it mean to discuss your every want and need in detail? What does being “open” to love entail?

These are all really good questions, and since I’m not cupid or Chris Harrison I have no clue what the answers are. But I do think that a good analogy is to get naked… On the inside. Think of how vulnerable you feel the first time you take off your clothes with someone new. Even the most confident of people will have the fleeting “what if he doesn’t like my chest” thoughts. Translating this to our feelings and our inside is a bit more difficult than just taking off clothes. Although with an inexperienced man, skinny jeans are a really big challenge.

I think that one part of becoming vulernable and exposing yourself is just going for it. Hitting on someone you are attracted to even if you are scared of failing. I have had plenty of men who aren’t interested in me. ESPECIALLY since I’ve been pregnant. Although lately I’ve broken my own advice by not exposing myself, and not having the confidence to go for it. Pregnancy totally threw off my game! I’ve flirted, joke-flirted, and been friendly with guys, but I haven’t hit on a single guy since I’ve been expecting. And you’d know if I hit on you. In fact, here are the most popular signs that you’ve been hit on by Lizzy:

1. We’re making out right now.

2. We’re vacationing in Mexico with your family only weeks after meeting.

3. We’re in love.

4. Your friends have said they haven’t seen you this way with a girl in a long time.

5. We’re texting about 800 times a day.

6. There is a twitpic of us with the caption “H-O-T”

7. There is a blog about love instead of hating men.

8. We’re living together.

9. We’re engaged.

10. I’ve already moved on to your best friend.

Okay, that last one only happened once. And the rest are so true. Yes, those things have actually happened, and on the occasions they happened, they occurred in under 2 months. Some in under a month. Anyways, the point is, when I hit on men, I’m fairly successful. At getting them at least… keeping them is obviously a different problem. The closest I’ve come to hitting on a guy is emailing him a very provocative question, as a joke. Mostly a joke. But he asked for questions and I decided to go for it. But I didn’t go for it. And that is NOT exposing myself.

I honestly don’t know why I’m so scared. Maybe it’s because I’ve been hurt a lot in the past few years, been let down and dissapointed by men. Maybe it’s because I’m too terrified of my own future to even think about including anyone else in it. Part of me does think I am damaged or defective goods. And when your confidence is at an all time low, it becomes harder to just go for it with men. So you don’t. And men don’t hit on me, so then it just compounds over and over. “I eat because I’m depressed and I’m depressed because I eat”. It’s a vicious cycle!!!

So how do you break out of it? How do I? Well… I guess every day just needs to be a constant conversation to just get naked. Once you’re out there, exposed & vulnerable, who cares what happens next. What’s more important is that you’re doing it and what’s less important is whether or not you actually get the guy. Occasionally I feel silly or dumb that I psuedo-tried to hit on that guy. I should have just gone for it. But I live with no regrets, and it’s a reminder that next time I need to just suit up. I talk so much about “owning it” and “it is what it is” and “who gives a f*ck” yet I fail to follow my own advice. And if it takes feeling dumb or silly to remind you that you need to go further, then laugh at yourself, dust off, and get naked… Fully.

How I met your father

Damn, it’s scary how a time frame of 6 months can change your entire life and it’s path. There’s an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted, the narrator and main character of the show, talks about how his life might have been completely different if he had gone right instead of left one day. And it really is that simple. When I tell my daughter the story of how I met her father, and how quickly my entire plan changed, it will come down to just a few minute tiny decisions.

The night I met Nick was about 6 months ago on Cristina’s birthday weekend. We were actually wearing shirts from the TV show that said “Have you met Lizzy?” and “Have you met Cristina?” Cris decided that we would start at PB bar and grill and then bar hop from there. Except we never left PB bar and grill. A long ago friend had recently been in touch again, James, and I knew he lived in PB. I texted him the night we were out to see if maybe we would end up at the same bar. Literally, as we were on our way out to go to Moondoggies, James texted me saying he was at PB bar and grill. So I took the opportunity to see him, and that’s one reason I met Nick. If he had texted me 5 minutes later, we would have been gone already, not looking back. I would have never met Nick, and wouldn’t be pregnant right now with my first child.

The night of Cris’ birthday, her friends and I decided that we would play a little game with her… more like for her. If we (the friends) decided that a guy was a 8 or higher on the hotness scale, then she had to either hit on him or take a shot. It’s a win-win… she gets her flirt on, or gets wasted. Well, Nick happened to be the first guy we all came across and agreed upon, and Cristina quickly passed for the shot. If we hadn’t made up that game, or if Cristina had decided to get her flirt on, things would have been so different.

There were several of James’ hot friends at the bar that night. Nick happened to be the first one we met due to the game we were playing, but there were several others I was certainly into and attracted to. Nick or someone else told me that one of the guys happened to be gay, even though he wasn’t. If they hadn’t jokingly told me that… I may have ended up with a completely different person, and thus a different path.

I was also seeing several men the night of Cristina’s birthday, and one of them was invited to come out with us. He ended up getting off of work later than expected, and had to pick up a friend to come with him. And since they lived rather far from PB, by the time they arrived, it was already a shit show, and Nick and I had already been flirting. If that guy had gotten our of work on time, maybe took 3 less deliveries, he may have shown up before I met any other guys, and thus I would’ve been flirting with him all night, and never would have been interested in Nick.

There’s a slew of reasons how we happened to meet, and what ended up with me being pregnant and will end up with a beautiful baby girl. But it’s truly insane to look back and say only 6 months can alter something so drastically and so permanently. All of the factors were so little, yet they added up to this extraordinary event. Hindsight is 20/20 and when we’re in a sad or stressful moment it is hard to imagine a totally different life in a year from now, or 6 months, or 5 years. But it does happen. As stressed as I may be right now, I know that in x amount of time, however long or short it takes, things will be different. I would have never ever ever guessed back then that all that alcohol and embarrassment would result in the most important thing of my life coming about. Life or God or whomever you would like to call it has a weird way of working for sure. Whether or not free will exists, the path life takes us on is the most confusing, messed up journey we could imagine, and one we would never hope for, but also one we would never take back for the life of us. The past year of my life has been so crazy and tragic and happy and insane that I simply have no clue what the future will bring, what it even could bring. I never thought I’d be having a baby this soon, yet here she is in my belly. I never thought it would take me this long to complete my post-grad education and law school, yet here I am, 4 years after getting my BA, about to start law school all over. It’s all one big miracle, that we get anything accomplished at all. The next 6 months should be one for the books, that’s for sure. And I can’t wait for the big reveal.

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