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Dating Adventures from a Mom

It occurs to me that since my bestie/roommate is writing about *my* dating life as a topic for her blog posts so she doesn’t have to do her 30 dates thing I should probably be writing about it too. I just tend to get darn lazy with this blog between working, obsessing over Once Upon a Time, being a mommy, and making these (damn) magnet boards.

If you’ve been following my blog for awhile now, you’ll know that I became bitterly single (read about it here, here, and here) while I was pregnant, and after the early zombie days of motherhood wondering how the heck I am ever going to date again. There were so many questions floating around…

who would date a single mom?

do they become like a new dad to my kid?

what do I do about the fact that I’m still breastfeeding…awkward!?

when do you introduce the baby to them?

how do you NOT talk about your baby the entire night?

will they even realize I’m a person anymore since all I do is talk about baby poop and probably have some in my hair?

Okay… so maybe some of those questions aren’t real, but in reality it is a complicated situation. One I unfortunately didn’t have to come across until recently since no one wanted to date me. You see, most men I know don’t want to date a single mom. It’s too much, too fast, and they’re too afraid of ______. Whatever, cool. I am focused on being a mommy anyways. But I knew eventually I would have to foray out into the world of dating. Taking care of myself as a woman is important to me, and to Sophie too. As a good friend reminded me, I have to be the one to set an example of healthy relationships for Sophie. She will learn it all from watching my interaction with people, men, her father, etc. I knew eventually if I ever wanted to get married and maybe have some more kiddos, I’d have to start dating. Right?

THANK GOD that my first date as a mother was with someone I’d known since high school. I couldn’t tell you how nervous I still was in spite of the fact that we’d been friends 10+ years. My roomie was assuring me that it was all going to be okay as I was finding ways I could bow out gracefully just so I didn’t have to worry about they tiny date details that every girls worries about. Opening doors, saying thank yous, not burping, making sure there’s no food in your teeth, is there a kiss? is there a hug? ugh… anyways. Needless to say, it went swimmingly and was a perfect date.

But the point here isn’t to summarize all my dates (there’s been 4 so far tyvm!) but to say that it IS possible to date and be a mommy to a 9 month year old GIVEN that the man you’re going on dates with is totally understanding that you’re a mom to a 9 month old.

Post Pregnancy Life

Post Pregnancy Life

Much like we denote time with AD and BC, women with children denote their lives with Pre-pregnancy and post-pregnancy. Because one thing is for sure, you’re never the same post-pregnancy. Whether it be your body, emotional health, lifestyle or future plans, everything is different. There simply is no going back.

But, we are human beings, and most will do everything in our realm of possibility to try. For me, the most important thing about my post-pregnancy life is getting my body back and getting healthy.

So here is my pregnancy detox plan (if you will) starting off with diet changes:

1. Delete fast food from my life.

2. I will be drinking only soy milk. No cow’s milk anymore.

3. My Starbucks lattes will be skinny.

4. I intend to go back to being mostly vegetarian. Considering I don’t cook my own meat and only eat it when I’m out and about, it shouldn’t be too hard.

5. I will continue to limit my caffeine intake.

6. One rule I love that I follow now is I don’t include any SODAS or ENERGY drinks in my diet. I will definitely continue this.

7. One thing I CAN’T wait to do is eat fish!!!!!!! I’m not sure on whether or not this rule continues into breastfeeding, but god I hope not. I MISS fish and especially sashimi and sushi… mmmmmmm

8. I also plan on, eventually, re-entering alcohol into my life. I never plan on continuing my old lifestyle ever again, but being able to have a glass of wine with dinner or a sour ale at the bar will be nice.

And here is my plans for my body:

1. Reintroduce exercise slowly through the use of a personal trainer.

2. Eventually start a running regimen doing intervals that I learned about in Women’s Health.

3. Get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight of around 120 lbs. (Which means I’ll have about 30 lbs altogether to lose… some of those will come off during delivery, the rest…..)

4. Tone up my core, butt, and thighs. And get lifting free weights again. I really do miss the gym.

5. Keep up with yoga at least once a week.

6. My goal is to get back to a 27 inch waist, which is about a size 5 in jeans. Hopefully I can keep some of the new big boobs 🙂

7. And my goal is to do all of this in about 3 months after I can start exercising again. Which will hopefully be in late April (approx 6 weeks after birth).

8. One of the first things I plan on doing is *hopefully* getting tattooed as soon as I can. Going 10 months without a tattoo, especially after a breakup, is HARD for me. I have a tradition where after every relationship (only the major ones) end, I get a piercing or tattoo as a way of moving on and celebrating that part of my life. I know I want to do something for Sophie, I’m not sure yet. I know I don’t want to do the traditional hand/footprint tattoo… that’s overused and boring.

And finally, the plans for my LIFE:

1. Seriously, GO TO DISNEYLAND. I am going to try to go when Sophie is a few months old and stay for the weekend. I just want to go SO SO SO bad, I love Disneyland!!!

2. I want to attend Cristina’s bachelorette party in The Vegas in September, so that will be a big goal of mine.

3. Learn to be happy & comfortable with my post-pregnancy body. Yes, I realize I will have the belly stretch marks, along with the already existing ones on my butt, love handles, and inner thighs. Maybe I can try some sort of “firming” treatment, but in the end, they will never go away, and I will have to learn to love them as a part of myself and I will have to learn how to be sexy again.  Or rather, how to feel sexy again. Yes, it will take some time, and a very special man to find a “real” woman sexy. My boobs will probably sag, and the darkening of my aureolas may never go away. I think overall, out of everything, this will be the hardest to cope with… the bodily changes that you CAN’T reverse. But it does help knowing that there are literally millions of other women out there who have “pregnancy battle wounds” and are still loved and considered sexy by their men.

4. And if that doesn’t work, then I will save up for plastic surgery: tummy tuck & a boob lift.

The Godfather

Seeing as I’m not particularly religious, I don’t really get the idea of god-parents. After googleing the term (as I do), the purpose became clear: a god-parent is supposed to help raise your children in the way of whatever religion you subscribe to in your absence. But going beyond that, I think a god-parent is someone who maintains a special 2-way relationship with the god-child. A non-blood relative who is part of the family is how I see it. Choosing someone to be a god-parent is a big deal. They’re expected to be there for a baby, kid, teenager, and eventually adult who they aren’t related to in any way whatsoever. To provide support for someone they had no help in creating.

 

I envision for Sophie’s god-parents to be there for birthdays and special occasions. Give her advice when she needs it and sometimes when she doesn’t. Help her out financially or otherwise if she’s struggling. But above all that, to guide her to be an awesome, stable, healthy and loved person. I imagine long philosophical debates, dates to get ice cream, trips to the zoo, and dispensing advice about her first boyfriend.

 

For me, there was only 1 person I could ask to be Sophie’s god-father. I know first hand the kind of support he is willing and able to give, as he has given it to me over the last 10 years. His name is Brad, and while he is an ex (and the most serious one to date), he is also still probably my best friend. I met him when I was 19 and we dated pretty much my entire adult life until I was 25. Because of the fact that we grew up as adults together, we agree on almost everything, have a ton in common, and he is probably the most intelligent person I know (besides myself, obviously). While a “god”-parent is supposed to raise the “god”-child in the ways of, well, god, I know he will raise Sophie in the way of intellect. And good taste in music. Brad and I have been through hell and back, he has seen me at my worst and my best, and I dearly love him still to this day. I always knew he would always be a part of my life somehow, and I am thankful that in can be in this capacity.

 

I am not sure how my future will pan out, none of us can be. I do know though that the people that love me in my life will always do right by Sophie. I am thankful that for everything I have been through I have this amazing family and extended family that are so good to me. And I am thankful that Brad accepted being her god-parent. He really is almost an extension of myself (except that fact that he is slowly becoming more and more politically conservative) and I know Sophie will grow up loving him! I did tell him, however, that if he ever registers republican, his god-parent privileges will be revoked. And I mean it.

26 weeks

26 weeks

As of yesterday, I am 26 weeks along, well over half way, and so close to the 3rd trimester. All in total I’ve only gained about 12 pounds, which is good! Ill stand to gain another 8 or so in the 3rd trimester, but since my weight is pretty much all baby I’m hoping it will be easy to lose it. Pregnancy is pretty easy at this point, until I try to sleep… Then it gets tough. I started to look at apartments today and I cannot WAIT to move out on my own. Not because I want to get away from my family, I’ve generally enjoyed living at home, but because I’m ready to be on my own. For the last 6 years I’ve lived with roommates or boyfriends or at home and as hard as I know it will be, I feel the need to be out under my own roof with my own rules and paying bills for myself only. And taking care of Sophie on my own too… Although I know I’m pretty much going to have an open door when it comes to help and care for her. I guess you know when you’re growing up and maturing when you give up luxuries you’ve always wanted or things you would have NEVER conceded to in the past… Like living in lakeside. And it feels good to finally be in that place. The next 14 weeks I’m sure will go by SO fast and I can’t wait to see where I am then.

Friendsgiving

Last night, my friends and I had our 1st annual “Friendsgiving”, which is Thanksgiving, with friends. It was fun because we also made it a “suit up” night, which is a How I Met Your Mother reference. If you don’t watch HIMYM, stop reading now and GO WATCH!!! But basically it means all the guys get all dressed up in suits and the ladies wear pretty dresses. It makes these gatherings a little funner and funnier. And classy.

We all remember to celebrate our family each year, but our friends are our chosen family. They are the ones that we don’t have to have around because they aren’t blood related, but we instead want to have them around because they’re awesome. We had a potluck where everyone brought a little something, except a few people who made some delicious meals, and just gathered to eat, catch up, watch football, and play with the kiddos. It was truly a blast and I love all of my besties!

 

Some of these women I have known since I was in first grade, pretty much all of my life. It’s truly amazing that I still have them in my life and I am as close to them as I am. My girl friends are amazing, all in their own awesome ways.

Karla is like superwoman mom. She works full time, has a 2 year old and is married, lives super far from civilization yet still makes time to see us all. She also has her own blog and her own website where she sells supplies and services. Oh yeah, and she owns horses and trains them. She’s a fantastic cook and is still the tiniest woman I know. She’s a hot mama for sure, and her approach to motherhood is something I really admire. She is more of a laizze faire mom, IMO. Her son is a beautiful boy, and is just the nicest little man ever. She dressed him up in a little suit for Friendsgiving, it was SO cute.

 

Megan is like this insanely intelligent and introspective philosopher woman. She’s a girl after my own heart in that sense. Megan gets so deep in her own head about life, that sometimes its bad for her. She thinks and analyzes and is the best listener of any person I know. I keep telling her to be a counselor since she does such a good job with all of her friends. She appreciates good music and connects to lyrics the way I do. Life and thoughts and emotions dig into her physche and she is constantly just thinking and asking questions and trying to better herself. Megan has been my closest confidant the past few years, and although me and her have been to hell and back, in the end she is my sister and she has my back. When I went through hell after ending my engagement and miscarrying last year, she literally pulled me through it and saved me, brought me back to life.

 

Jen… what can I say about Jen except that I’ve never once heard her complain about anything. She is also a mother of a beautiful daughter and in all the time I’ve known her, since 3rd grade, she has been nothing but a wonderful friend. She is always smiling and ALWAYS has something nice to say about people. I don’t know how she doesn’t let the negative affect her… god knows it always gets to me, I have my dark moments… but I’ve literally never seen her go through one. Ever. She got a degree while pregnant, in the summer nonetheless, and still, nothing! She is one of those women who are completely and utterly gorgeous, but has no idea, and instead is completely and utterly gracious. In fact, if she read this right now she would probably be blushing like crazy and do her nervous laugh and say I was being too kind. Which I’m not.

 

And then there’s Lacey. Lacey has been one of my best friends from high school to this day still, and she has also gone through hell and back in her life. One thing you can say about Lace is that she never gives up. She is always going after something. And she is ALWAYS fun. She may be the funnest friend I have. Lace also happens to know everyone btw, yes, even you. She makes friends so easy, I’ve always been jealous of her for that. We could literally go to any bar in San Diego, and she would know someone there, whether it be the manager, an employee, or the group of people in the back taking shots. And she is not scared of anything it seems like. I’ve seen that girl do some bold and crazy things, and stand up for herself in ways that it would be hard for me to do. She always tells it like it is, and isn’t scared of honesty or hurting your feelings. It’s endearing, I promise. I want nothing more than to see that girl happy as hell, and I have a feeling she’s pretty close to it.

 

 

Well, here are some pics of ALL the food we had!!

Food part 1

Food part 2

Food part 3

Food part 4

 

And here are pics of some of my favorite people in the whole world!

Me and Megan

Me, Megan, and my baby bump aka Sophie

 

All in all, it was a total success, even though we didn’t break out the rockband… which I always love 😀 So here’s to friendsgiving… I have the best friends, and Sophie Pearl is going to have the best aunts, uncles and cousins a baby could ever ask for!

 

Weekly Top 10

This week’s top 10 list is something very near and dear to my heart. Top 10 reasons why dating a hot pregnant chic is AWESOME!

10. We rub baby oil all over. Daily.

9. Hate women who only eat a salad? Well, we’ll eat the salad, the steak, the fries, your fries, and dessert. And the best part? No bloat… That’s just the baby.

8. Wanna take advantage of that beer and shot deal the bar has during football Sunday? Don’t mind if ya do. Dating us is like having a built in DD.

7. We like to sleep. A lot. That means you can either sleep with us or watch whatever you want on TV.

6. Like being taken care of? Well guess what, we’re gearing up for that so our taking care of someone tolerance is much higher. So yeah, we’ll get you another beer honey.

5. No that time of the month.

4. Your button down shirts are SO comfy to wear around the house. Lucky for you they’re pretty sexy too, no?

3. Pregnant women are naturally hornier.

2. Curvy women are hot. Preggo=curves in literally all the right places like…

1. Like boobs? How about big ones? Like DDs? Yeah, we got em.

Agree/disagree? What would be your #1 perk? Comment below!

Ramblings of a pregnant woman

After spending months studying for the LSAT, I was so relieved to have some free time to just do nothing, and not have to feel guilty about it. I spent that time getting caught up on TV shows and expanding my hulu account.  But 2 weeks into my mini-vacay, I’m feeling rather bored. Pregnancy is making me depressed. Not in a chemical way, but in a “I can’t do anything anymore” kind of way. A google search of “fun things to do while pregnant” (I know, I’m sad) brings up results upon results of date night ideas… which adds to the depression. Most moms-to-be have a father-to-be that is along for the ride with them. They have to understand your pregnancy woes, as they are the ones who helped in the ordeal. Together, couples can find relaxing and fun ways to pass the time all the while remaining respectful to the pregnancy. Friends, on the other hand, don’t have to respect your pregnancy. Friends don’t stop drinking and going to bars because you can’t drink. Friends continue on, living their life, inviting you along. The thing is 99% of the activities my friends do, I can’t participate in. I mean, I suppose I could pay $80 to go to a theme park to go on about 20% of the rides, and spend the other 80% being the bag holder… umm, no thanks. And honestly, going to a bar sober every once in a while is fine, even fun sometimes. But to do it day after day after day while everyone is boozing and drinking and hitting on people and you just have to sit there, sober, with a belly ache, barely fitting into your jeans and sipping water… well, it gets old. And it’s not like I can really go out and date anyone. Afterall, who wants to date an expanding woman who is carrying a child that isn’t theirs. Sure, I dabbled a bit on match.com and had guys emailing me, but most of them failed to read my profile that I was actually expecting, and one guy even emailed me telling me I was crazy for being on there while pregnant. I guess the truth is since my ex left me, I just have to deal with the fact that there is going to a void in that “area” of my life until after I give birth. And it’s not that I even need to have a man around, because I love being single. It’s just that sometimes, it’s nice to have a more intimate person around than a friend. And you know, it wouldn’t all be so bad if I could throw my own movie nights or dinner nights, but since I have to live at home right now, I can’t even do that. And it wouldn’t be so bad if I even had a room to sleep in, or a bed, but I don’t have those things either. And I know I sound very complainy when I should be grateful I’m not living on the streets, but it’s all just very frustrating and depressing. Most nights I sit in a freezing cold trailer with my laptop and read msn.com out of sheer boredom. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being pregnant and love the thought that soon I’m going to be a mama in my own right, it’s just lonely right now and I’m stuck in a place where I can’t yet plan for the future, which is annoying. And the everyday thoughts about what my LSAT score is going to be…. and the fact that I was super sick while taking it doesn’t make me feel very confident. I suppose if I have to take it again, the studying will at least give me something to do…. I just realized how sad/boring my life was becoming when at my friend’s kid’s birthday party we were playing Rock Band and I realized that was the most fun I was going to have probably in weeks. Le sigh.

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