Tag Archives: Mom

Family, Dating and the Holidays

This year was a bitter-sweet year for me. I got to be there for Sophie’s very first Christmas which she slept through most of it. But she loved all her new toys and I just love her!

20120102-225513.jpg But I also found out that my mom’s cancer came back and this time it’s untreatable. That was a stab in the heart. I know it’s natural to lose your parents but you never expect it to happen so soon and you never expect to know its coming sooner rather than later. I’ll admit, I’m terrified of losing my mommy. I’m devastated that Sophie won’t know her as well as I knew my grandparents. Most of all I’m Wrecked that she may never meet the rest of her grand kids, and they may never know her warmth and love. Because of all this I’m still praying for a miracle, for anything that will keep her here with us. My mom is this amazing woman and if anyone deserves a miracle it’s her.

Because of all of this, I’ve made it a point to spend more time with my family over the holidays. That and my brother was in town for a week. Yeah, I blew off a few potential dates and a new years kiss at midnight to do so and I feel bad about that. But ill always remember this time spent with my family and that’s so important to me. And it’s a little surprising actually considering 10 years ago I couldn’t wait to flee from prison home. Just goes to show how much a little time and having a kid of your own changes your perspective.

Dating over the holidays is rough though if not impossible. I know that people say if someone means something to you then you’ll make time for them but I spent literally every night at my parents house for a week just being with them. Best idea ever. We played monopoly, our favorite card game euchre, and my personal fave Just Dance 3. I will never EVER forget my brother and my mom dancing to that game. Ever. But my point is if you’re seeing someone an they haven’t made time for you over the holidays, give them a break and don’t read too much into it. For me at least, every night of family togetherness was important and amazing because it could be our last holidays like this.

Thanks family for all the love and wonderful season!

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And the Nominees are…

Well folks, it’s almost that time of year… not Christmas, not New Years, but the time where we all reflect back on 2010 and make a resolution for 2011 that we won’t keep.

I don’t even remember what my resolution was for this year… maybe work out more? Who knows, NYE was a pretty drunk and hazy FUN time. But regardless, I still love getting sentimental and thinking of all the things I’ve been through, seen and experienced these past 365 days (almost) and think about what I can do to improve myself for next year.

I guess the truth of the matter is, making a resolution doesn’t help. If we could better our lives or change aspects of our personality with one promise to ourselves declared one day a year, then we’d all be pretty fabulous people. And we aren’t. Sorry. I think at this point its more of a tradition then something any of us actually take seriously or care about. It’s a question that we are expecting to be asked, and we’d better come up with an answer. Some of us decide to make it serious (lose 150 pounds), some decide to make it funny (sleep with 6 countries of women), others sentimental (reconnect with my husband). Yet, we all come up with an answer. Even “no resolution” is a statement. In fact, now that I think about it, I think last year I came up with some babble about living in modesty: exercise in modesty, drinking in modesty, sex in modesty… you get the idea. My belief was (still is) why should be make a drastic change to ourselves or our lifestyle when I honestly believe we should do a little bit of everything, and give up nothing. Well I can tell you that idea got me into a lot of trouble in 2010.

Although few can say that I lived modestly… I partied WAY too much this year, so much so that my last relationship revolved around who I was as a drunk, and not who I actually was in real life. And once I got pregnant, the real me came out, and well if you know me, you know she’s not NEARLY as fun as drunk Lizzy. I mean, I’m a pretty fun girl, a little crazy, a little sporadic and spontaneous, but overall I’m probably about a 70/30 mix: 70% chill, 30% crazy fun. Well drunk me is more like 20/80: 20% chill, and 80% crazy drunk fun. And that personality is addicting, I will tell you. Having a million friends, someone to party with every night of the week, having crazy stories to tell and funny pictures to look at… It’s the life right? I used to think so, but getting pregnant changed my perspective (I hear it’s known to do that…) and now I appreciate the calm life. What I love the most about forced sobriety is the clarification it has brought to me. But that’s for another blog…

THIS blog is to focus on what I want to change for next year. 2011 will be a year of re-birth (figuratively and literally haha). My Mom recovering from lung cancer after a miracle diagnosis, the birth of my daughter Sophie, the start of law school again, moving into my own place for the first time in my life…¬† So I will list some resolutions I am considering and let you dear readers pick which one you think is best for me… So at last, the nominees are:

1. Grow my hair out and DON’T cut it.

2. Start being on time.

3. Stop biting my nails.

4. Promise to do one thing from my list a month.

5. Learn to cook.

6. Learn to use my sewing machine.

7. Go back to being a Vegetarian.

8. Find that someone special.

9. Answer all phone calls from friends.

10. Move to North Carolina.

 

So there they are! My Top 10 resolution choices for 2011… Please vote in the comments section, and I will tally them up at the end of the year and make a decision ūüėÄ

Happy 2nd Trimester!

14 weeks today, so I’m officially in my 2nd trimester! Which means that baby is definitely here to stay ūüėÄ I ordered what will come to be my first round of maternity clothes last week, hopefully they get here soon cause I need em!!

About my 14 week old Gummy Bear (from BabyCenter.com):

This week’s big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck her thumb. Thanks to brain impulses, her facial muscles are getting a workout as her tiny features form one expression after another. Her kidneys are producing urine, which she releases into the amniotic fluid around her — a process she’ll keep up until birth. She can grasp, too, and if you’re having an ultrasound now, you may even catch her sucking her thumb. In other news: Your baby’s stretching out. From head to bottom, she measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and she weighs 1 1/2 ounces.

its a miracle

Whenever I feel sad I just watch the video of my little gummy bear moving around in my belly and I know what I’m doing is such a miracle! I can’t wait to hold her in my arms and raise her! I can’t wait to be a family with her and find a man someday who will be a great lover to me and an even better father to her. I just want her to feel the love that I felt from my mother. I want to help her become a strong and confident young woman. And if its a boy I want to teach him how to be a real man, since those are hard to find these days. How to step up and take responsibility and how to treat women right. Be a gentleman, even if its a dying breed. So when he grows up he doesn’t do terrible things to women, and when he loves one he doesn’t run away scared but knows its okay to fall for one woman. I can’t wait to be a mother. 27 weeks to go!

Next Steps

My first step is to apply for WIC and hopefully get help buying food while preggo. I just pray I don’t make too much money for them. I’ve also recently realized that when I’m in law school full time I’m not going to have a job at all. I wonder what my options are then… can I get rental assistance? tuition assistance? I have no freaking clue. There’s no way child support is going to cover my expenses and my baby’s expenses while I’m in law school.

So Thursday I’m going to go down to the WIC office and apply for that.

I already filled out my FAFSA and my EFC is 0 thank god.

Friday morning I’m going down to Cal Western to speak to an admissions counselor about the types of assistance they have for pregnant applicants and single mothers. I have read that many schools will provide almost disability services, like allowing me to bring the baby to class with me to breast feed, and what kind of need-based scholarships I may be eligible for.

Next week I will meet with Thomas Jefferson for the same questions and advice.

And as of right now I have about a month to study my ass off for the LSAT. I am going to have to try my hardest not to let my emotional state get in the way of what I want. It’s very very hard since between the breakup and the pregnancy I am constantly depressed. Maybe I can form a study group with some kids in my LSAT class. I am going to forget about Nick, and what he has done to me, for now at least. Afterall, I don’t know why I would even want to try to be with someone who has such a disregard for the welfare of the woman he supposedly loves or loved and her unborn child. Maybe my doctor can give me some awesome meds to help me cope with all this. And I’m definitely going to get back into counseling and maybe do some yoga at 24 hour fitness. And if anyone wants to help me with yoga, or attend lamaze classes with me, please please please let me know!!!

some perks of singledom

All night I was up thinking, trying to keep positive. And the first thing that came to my mind is I get to pick the name of my baby!! So I’ve intially picked Faith Michelle Pearl Atkins for a girl. I’ve always always always wanted the name Faith Michelle for a girl and Pearl is my moms middle name. A tradition I’m determined to keep. For a boy I’ve always loved the name Isaac. And for a middle name I would use my dad and grandpa’s middle name Davis. So Isaac Davis Atkins. I an happy that my last name will carry on afterall. I’m sure eventually I will consult my ex on this if he stays involved like he’s said. But these are my dream names at least.

Hat Party

Now, this is not an ordinary themed party where all attendees where hats, although that does sound kinda fun… This hat party is for my Mom, who as you all know is undergoing chemo therapy for lung cancer. She began to lose her hair about a week ago and got a super cute edgy haircut shown here:

But eventually, she will lose all her hair so some of her friends at Church have decided to throw her a “hat party”. I found this description online:

What is a hat party?

A hat party is an event that is sometimes organized for individuals who are experiencing hair loss due to medical treatments such as chemotherapy.  Friends and family get together for moral support.  Each one presents the patient with a unique hat, turban, scarf or accessory.  It is a joyful experience that often brings much relief and comfort to the patient.  It is a way for friends and family to show support and love in a difficult situation.  A hat makes a perfect, thoughtful and practical gift.  Our gift registry can help with the organization of these important events.

This is the first time I’ve ever personally had to deal with something life this, so I’m not even sure what to get her, and I’m her daughter! I’ve asked my closest friends to come and support me and my Mama through this extremely difficult time, and wanted to let you all know, if you wanted to get something for her, this is what it’s for.

http://www.headcovers.com/ has a great selection of covers, and ideas for what women going through a hair loss treatment could use to manage. I personally started wearing scarves on my head in honor of my Mama, and so when it’s her turn, I can help her style it ūüėČ Thank you to everyone out there who are helping support me through all of this, I truly love you!

Remember, the Hat Party is scheduled for Monday, July 5th, 2010 at 6:30pm *new date and time: Saturday, July 17th, 2010 at 2:00pm* at Pathways Community Church.

Map:

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