Tag Archives: Personal Meaning

And the Nominees are…

Well folks, it’s almost that time of year… not Christmas, not New Years, but the time where we all reflect back on 2010 and make a resolution for 2011 that we won’t keep.

I don’t even remember what my resolution was for this year… maybe work out more? Who knows, NYE was a pretty drunk and hazy FUN time. But regardless, I still love getting sentimental and thinking of all the things I’ve been through, seen and experienced these past 365 days (almost) and think about what I can do to improve myself for next year.

I guess the truth of the matter is, making a resolution doesn’t help. If we could better our lives or change aspects of our personality with one promise to ourselves declared one day a year, then we’d all be pretty fabulous people. And we aren’t. Sorry. I think at this point its more of a tradition then something any of us actually take seriously or care about. It’s a question that we are expecting to be asked, and we’d better come up with an answer. Some of us decide to make it serious (lose 150 pounds), some decide to make it funny (sleep with 6 countries of women), others sentimental (reconnect with my husband). Yet, we all come up with an answer. Even “no resolution” is a statement. In fact, now that I think about it, I think last year I came up with some babble about living in modesty: exercise in modesty, drinking in modesty, sex in modesty… you get the idea. My belief was (still is) why should be make a drastic change to ourselves or our lifestyle when I honestly believe we should do a little bit of everything, and give up nothing. Well I can tell you that idea got me into a lot of trouble in 2010.

Although few can say that I lived modestly… I partied WAY too much this year, so much so that my last relationship revolved around who I was as a drunk, and not who I actually was in real life. And once I got pregnant, the real me came out, and well if you know me, you know she’s not NEARLY as fun as drunk Lizzy. I mean, I’m a pretty fun girl, a little crazy, a little sporadic and spontaneous, but overall I’m probably about a 70/30 mix: 70% chill, 30% crazy fun. Well drunk me is more like 20/80: 20% chill, and 80% crazy drunk fun. And that personality is addicting, I will tell you. Having a million friends, someone to party with every night of the week, having crazy stories to tell and funny pictures to look at… It’s the life right? I used to think so, but getting pregnant changed my perspective (I hear it’s known to do that…) and now I appreciate the calm life. What I love the most about forced sobriety is the clarification it has brought to me. But that’s for another blog…

THIS blog is to focus on what I want to change for next year. 2011 will be a year of re-birth (figuratively and literally haha). My Mom recovering from lung cancer after a miracle diagnosis, the birth of my daughter Sophie, the start of law school again, moving into my own place for the first time in my life…  So I will list some resolutions I am considering and let you dear readers pick which one you think is best for me… So at last, the nominees are:

1. Grow my hair out and DON’T cut it.

2. Start being on time.

3. Stop biting my nails.

4. Promise to do one thing from my list a month.

5. Learn to cook.

6. Learn to use my sewing machine.

7. Go back to being a Vegetarian.

8. Find that someone special.

9. Answer all phone calls from friends.

10. Move to North Carolina.

 

So there they are! My Top 10 resolution choices for 2011… Please vote in the comments section, and I will tally them up at the end of the year and make a decision 😀

We all experience terrible things in life. Bad people, horrible memories, devastating moments. And, for the most part, we all get through them. We survive, spend time mourning or in anger, and eventually, one day, you move on. You get over it. You feel better. Life continues and you realize the whole world didn’t revolve around whatever it was that brought everything crashing down. And it’s amazing. You learn your lesson, you come out stronger on the other side. Afterall, hindsight is 20/20, and without these mistakes or heartbreaks or whatevers, we can’t grow as a person.

What one doesn’t expect, however, is when these mistakes you made, or problems you survived through get thrown back in your face by those who barely even know you. Cause someone who does really know you would know never to do such a thing. They would know how painful of a time it was that you went through, and they would be able to see the growth that you have made since your world crashed. It’s only the truly ignorant that take something they heard, or they think they understand and use it against you in some current situation. But beyond that, it’s only the truly fucked up that take something you tell them in confidence, as a friend or lover or family member, and take it and use it against you. Question your integrity, accuse you of ulterior motives based on past events.

To me, for what I have been through, especially recently with my life, someone doing this to me is utterly unforgivable. There are already enough events that are uncontrollable happening to me, to all of us, we don’t need people around who choose to cause you chaos. Who choose to accuse you of things. Who choose to bring up something in your past and rub it in your face. It’s truly amazing to me that some people are just that horrible. Just that plain mean. I like to think that all people are good, or want to be good, or are inherently good. But more and more life makes you skeptical. Of good, people, love, I mean, everything. More and more I do believe what I got tattooed on my right arm, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” I am really the only one that stands for myself, and is there for myself. I have to stick up and be for me, because that is the only person I can rely on to do so. I suppose in these situations, you just have to take what others do and say in stride, and ultimately do what is best for your own person. Afterall, I guess the only person you have to live with at the end of the day is you.

Tattoo #5

I’m so freaking excited for my next tattoo! Me and Nick are getting ours done on July 30th at Full Circle Tattoo, which is an award winning tattoo shop that is going to be featured in tattoo magazine soon. My last one, the infinity tattoo, was done there by my friend Henry, but this next one is going to be done by Cash. Nick and I are getting the same #13 tattoo, in the same spot, but he is getting his in a skull, and I’m not entirely sure yet what I am getting my #13 with. First I wanted a skull too, but I couldn’t justify the idea of a skull on my body… just not really my thing. Then I decided on a swallow, which I still love that idea, I just don’t know how to work it in with the #13. I liked the idea of a swallow because they are supposed to represent the beach, the land next to water, which is what San Diego is, so no matter where I go in life, I’ll have a piece of SD with me. But now I am thinking that I will get the #13, and then have either flowers and vines, or a tree sort of growing around the 13. I think that flowers, like the popular Japanese blossoms, are really pretty inked. But I also love love love the idea of a Tree tattoo. I’ve seen some pretty amazing ones looking through google, and I thought it would look cool having 13 be sort of the roots or base of the tree. But I don’t want that big of a tattoo in the spot where Nick and I are getting them. The location is lower stomach, on the left side, sort of pelvic region. I am open to ideas, since I am NOT a creative person at all, and I have a very hard time seeing images in my head. That is why most of my tattoos are script. I can see script very easily in my head. So if y’all have any ideas, please send em my way!

Bright Eyes “First Day of my Life”

A favorite song and video of mine. Reminds me of good and bad memories. But an amazing love song none-the-less.

#13: Get Another Tattoo

It says: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” in Hebrew. The saying originated with Hillel the Elder. [Source Wikipedia].

I love tattoos. I have about 10 more ideas of what I want to ink into my skin. This particular one means a lot to me, especially what I’ve been through in the past year. I think the quote is pretty self explanatory, and for me, it just means I need to be for myself, and respect my own person, and not let anyone tear that down, because if I do, then no one will be for me. The tattoo experience was pretty straight forward… trace, place, and ink. Didn’t really hurt that bad. Originally I wanted to get the tattoo under by left breast, on my ribs, but it turns out the design was too intricate to get it so small, the characters would have eventually bled together after a certain amount of years. So I decided to get it on my arm, where I can read it everyday, and remind myself that I am strong, and that I am strong for me.

As far as the list goes, I haven’t really been doing much off of it, so I’m glad I got this one done. This is one of the options that is the closest to my heart. It is a way for me to accept that past, acknowledge my part in it, and move on. A reminder forever, of how strong I am, and how far I’ve come. I am so happy with life right now, and I hope realizing I need to be for myself will allow me to continue on and lead a fulfilling and happy life.

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