Tag Archives: Thoughts

I call BULLSH*T!

Recently, my bestie did a blog where she asked 10 males from all walks of life (different ages, beliefs, experiences, and relationship statuses) 10 questions all of us ladies have always wanted to know, to get their honest answers once and for all. See it here.

Now going through this… all I have to say (which I said out loud quite a few times actually) is BULLSH*T!!! Let’s break it down question by questions….

Question #1: “What do you look for in a girlfriend?”

Most guys’ answers: Be yourself and a good personality.

What I really think they mean: Someone who will never deny me sex and who will let me spend as much time as I want with my friends… without them.

Why are they telling us what we want to hear? Guys don’t really want a woman who will just (waaahh) be themselves and cuddle on the couch. Pla-ease. They want a chick who isn’t jealous, doesn’t expect romance, won’t nag them, doesn’t mind falling in the toilet… etc. That’s the real answer. Blair is the only one I think is being remotely honest, and he says, “Let me drink beer and smoke weed every day.”

 

Question #2: “What matters most, looks or personality?”

Most guys’ answers: Personality.

What I really think they mean: Doesn’t matter as long as she has sex with me on a consistent basis.

Hot, stupid, smart, average-looking… doesn’t matter how you look or how awesome you are, he will leave you or worse (cheat) if he isn’t getting any.

 

Question #3: Do guys what “girly” girls or “chill” girls?

Most guys’ answers: Chill girls who are hot.

What I really think they mean: Girly.

I guess it comes down to how you really define these terms. So I pose the question to you men, when you hear “girly”, what does that mean to you? I assume most guys think “high-maintenence”. But what the hell does that even mean??? I don’t think men really know what they’re getting themselves into if they don’t want a high-maintenence girl… Do you really want a woman who can keep her razor fresh for 2-3 months? We all love a girl who can go out without makeup, but do you really want a woman who honestly never wears ANY makeup. Or brushes her hair. Or owns heels? There is a reason why Playboy exists… no one has a fantasy of a chic with messy hair, un-plucked eyebrows, a ‘stach (we all have em… and we all pluck/wax em). And let’s not even mention the down-there situation.

Sure a girl who drinks beer and owns a Football jersey (or 7) is H-O-T… but can she burp hot sauce in your face and rip one too? I don’t truly think men know what they’re getting themselves into with this answer…

 

Question #4: Basically… how do you hit on a girl? (my synopsis of the question)

Most guys’ answers: Blah blah blah… I buy her a drink, yada yada yada, I look in her eyes, BS BS BS, I talk to her.

What I really think they mean: Men don’t hit on women. EVER!

Or maybe it’s just me… men don’t hit on me. EVER. Seriously. Now, I think I’m a catch. I’m cute enough. I dress coordinated (mostly). Most days I brush my hair. But the last x amount of men I’ve dated was because I HIT ON THEM! I can’t remember the last boyfriend I’ve had who hit on me first. One guy I dated I even had to send him my number via facebook TWICE. Yes, twice, because he deleted my number the 1st time! How rude!! Maybe it’s a vibe I’m sending out (desperation). Maybe they realize how amazing I am and are intimidated (I wish!!) I have no clue. But it sucks! Hit on me, please! It would make my night!

 

Question #5: “Is it ok for women to ask the guy out and/or make the first move?”

Most guys’ answers: Almost unequivocally YES.

What I really think they mean: YES.

Okay, guys are lazy and guys are insecure so the best solution to this one is have the women do the work! Then they don’t have to put anything out there, and they know they have it in the bag… I see what y’all are doing here and I call your bluff… I’ve had a standing order for awhile now. I’m no longer hitting on men at all or making the first move. See above for how that’s working out for me (it isn’t).

 

Qustion #6: a favorite… “Does a guy lose respect for a girl if she sleeps with him on the first night?”

Most guys’ answers: Some weird combination of (paraphrase) “I won’t lose respect for you but you’re no longer girlfriend material”. Mmmkay, whatever that means…

What I really think they mean: I’ll say what you want to hear so you’ll have sex with me, then I won’t date you. And I’ll tell all my friends how easy you were. Sucker.

Guys are evil. Seriously. Guys are all: “women empowerment! have sex when ever you want! with whoever you want!” Then they’re like: “sluts”. Then they’re like: “yeah baby I like you so much, wanna stay over? I feel like I know you so well already even though it’s only been 1 date.” Then they’re like: “I’m too busy for a relationship.” what. the. hell. I honestly don’t think a man will ever tell a women NOT to have sex with them on the first night because it would be breaking some sort of unspoken man-code. From now on, I’m going with the fictional J-Lo book from HIMYM of no sex until 17 dates. And maybe not even then.

 

Question #7: What does it really mean when a guy tells you “I don’t have time for a girlfriend/relationship”?

Most guys’ answers: He’s just not that into you.

What I think they really mean: He’s just not that into you.

Why can’t they just be that honest from the get-go? No matter how “empowered” women say they are, to 99% of us sex=relationship. Stop having sex with us if you don’t want a relationship. PERIOD. Seriously, no matter what we tell you. We’re lying. Just like you’re lying when you say you’re too busy (you’re not) or the worst one, “you wouldn’t want to date me because of ________ (insert ridiculous situation)”. Ummm, yes we would want to date you even though you’re broke and unemployed because we’re WOMEN and we had sex with you. And now we’re in love. G. Rowden puts it best when he says, “If the guy truly cares about the girl, he will make time for her, no matter what.” Thank you sir.

 

Question #8: How long until our relationship is official? (my summary of the question)

Most guys’ answers: No official amount of time, it should be something that is “communicated”.

What I really think they mean: Official? Oh, I don’t have time for a girlfriend. Thanks for all the sex though.

Seriously, most guys RUN when the official word is brought into play. The needs-to-be-retired line comes to mind: “Why do we have to put a title on this baby? Can’t *you* just go with the flow?” Ugh, and they always make it a way to pin *you* as crazy!!! Ladies, it is perfectly ok and normal to want a commitment. Don’t ever let a man make you feel crazy for wanting it laid out. Sure, it may just be a word (boyfriend), but with it comes peace of mind and responsibility… that’s what they’re really trying to get out of.

 

Question #9: “Does commitment scare you?”

Most guys’ answers: No.

What I really think they mean: YES. Dear God YES.

The amount of men getting married later on in life and the less amount of men marrying early in life, coupled with the divorce rates and the amount of single mothers out there proves that men are afraid of commitment, and are not sticking things through. Relationships are HARD. They’re work, and it’s not always going to be sunshine and butterflies. Some days are going to be downright awful, where you hate the other person and can’t even look at them. I always say love is what exists after the fluttery feeling floats away. It’s the respect, the friendship. I was living with a guy at one point who still couldn’t even talk about getting married. I have a kid with a guy who says he doesn’t want commitment (a KID!). I don’t think there’s a bigger commitment than that. There’s a book out there by someone that talks about “Guyland”, and I fully agree. Most guys under 30 (and some in their 30’s) still live in Guyland. Guyland is like extended college/frat years. They still have roommates, they still drink to get drunk, they still hook up with women randomly, they still set out time for video games, they are still “working” on their career. They rely on their parents or roommates for financial help, and they defer REAL responsibility as long as possibly. Guys in Guyland don’t want relationships. And sadly, most guys I know of in our age bracket are in Guyland. And they don’t graduate from it until their 30’s.

*sidenote* where do I meet 30 year olds?!

 

Question #10: “What’s more important- success or love?”

Most guys’ answers: 6 love-3 success-1 unsure

What I really think they mean: Themselves.

 

Okay…. so maaaaaybe I’m slightly bitter. I’m sure a few of those guys meant a few of those answers. But the facts are the facts. My commentary is based soley on my experiences and the experiences of my friends. If most men really thought what these 10 men answered, I don’t think us women would be so scornful, or crazy. Trust me though, I want to be proven wrong.

 

 

 

 

*I’m being like 98% sarcastic and 2% real. Or maybe it’s 2% sarcastic and 98% real. Either way, don’t take me too seriously, I don’t!*

The waiting game

I do realize it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything. Anything interesting at least. It’s because my life hasn’t been interesting and I wouldn’t dare bore my lovely readers (all 3 of you) with boring pregnancy-related posts. That’s what my facebook page is for (sorry facebook friends!)

Right now my life is in a stage of waiting… and waiting… and waiting. There are two things, namely, that I am stuck waiting on: 1. My baby coming, and 2. Law School acceptance or denial letters. And neither is there anything I can do about it. And that drives me CRAZY!!! If you know me, you know that I like to be in charge of things. No, not like… more like NEED to be in charge. I need to know, I have an insatiable thirst to know things. Anything. The ending to a long movie. Whether or not the anecdote Justin Timberlake recites in The Social Network about Victoria’s Secret is true (it was). What I am getting for Christmas (if I can look, I will). Who the person that texted you was (not because I’m jealous, but because I HATE now knowing!) And that’s just it. I HATE not knowing something, I loathe it. If I want something, I want it now, if I want to know something, I look it up. Otherwise it consumes me and drives me to the point of insanity and I end up feeling defeated at life because I just can’t know that one thing. There is a shirt that the last time I remember having was my 21st birthday in Las Vegas back in god-knows-when that I don’t know what happened to and you know what? 5 years later, I still think about it. I WANT TO KNOW!!!

So living in a state of waiting is hell for me. It pretty much destroys my entire life and turns me into an obsessive freak. California Western School of Law has a “status checker” for the status of your application with them and I check it at midnight sometimes. As if they’re updating my status and deciding my application at that time. If I order something online, the tracking number becomes my new best friend and I check it daily. Not because I need the package or anything, but just because I need to know where the package is. I don’t care if it won’t be delivered for a year. If I can track it, I’m a happy girl. With Sophie, every time I have a braxton-hicks contraction along with (literally) any other symptom, I immediately google it to try and see if labor is close. So far, it isn’t.

Yesterday I googled “does a lot of braxton hicks contractions mean labor is close?” just because I NEED something on which to measure! I need it!! I need to know!!!!! Realizing that she will come when she wants to and there is nothing I can do I think has been the most frustrating experience of my life. You better believe at 37 weeks (when she is considered full term) I will be trying every single home remedy I can google to start labor. Except castor oil… that just sounds like a bad idea from what I’ve read. I see her moving in my belly and I feel her rolling around and kicking and it’s as if she’s laughing at me saying “I know something you don’t know”. And she won’t share.

I actually think this state of waiting kind of depresses me. I have no desire to do much, go out… then again, that’s just a part of pregnancy anyways. But still, it’s SO frustrating for me that it actually becomes depressing. I think that a big part of it is that the two biggest things that will happen to shape my future are coming, and I have no control over them. Zero. And that’s really a scary thing. All these other people know how my future is going to shape out and I don’t. So I do the only thing I can do… I continue to wait. And wait. And wait. And check my Cal Western status checker 3 times a day to satiate my need to know.

And the Nominees are…

Well folks, it’s almost that time of year… not Christmas, not New Years, but the time where we all reflect back on 2010 and make a resolution for 2011 that we won’t keep.

I don’t even remember what my resolution was for this year… maybe work out more? Who knows, NYE was a pretty drunk and hazy FUN time. But regardless, I still love getting sentimental and thinking of all the things I’ve been through, seen and experienced these past 365 days (almost) and think about what I can do to improve myself for next year.

I guess the truth of the matter is, making a resolution doesn’t help. If we could better our lives or change aspects of our personality with one promise to ourselves declared one day a year, then we’d all be pretty fabulous people. And we aren’t. Sorry. I think at this point its more of a tradition then something any of us actually take seriously or care about. It’s a question that we are expecting to be asked, and we’d better come up with an answer. Some of us decide to make it serious (lose 150 pounds), some decide to make it funny (sleep with 6 countries of women), others sentimental (reconnect with my husband). Yet, we all come up with an answer. Even “no resolution” is a statement. In fact, now that I think about it, I think last year I came up with some babble about living in modesty: exercise in modesty, drinking in modesty, sex in modesty… you get the idea. My belief was (still is) why should be make a drastic change to ourselves or our lifestyle when I honestly believe we should do a little bit of everything, and give up nothing. Well I can tell you that idea got me into a lot of trouble in 2010.

Although few can say that I lived modestly… I partied WAY too much this year, so much so that my last relationship revolved around who I was as a drunk, and not who I actually was in real life. And once I got pregnant, the real me came out, and well if you know me, you know she’s not NEARLY as fun as drunk Lizzy. I mean, I’m a pretty fun girl, a little crazy, a little sporadic and spontaneous, but overall I’m probably about a 70/30 mix: 70% chill, 30% crazy fun. Well drunk me is more like 20/80: 20% chill, and 80% crazy drunk fun. And that personality is addicting, I will tell you. Having a million friends, someone to party with every night of the week, having crazy stories to tell and funny pictures to look at… It’s the life right? I used to think so, but getting pregnant changed my perspective (I hear it’s known to do that…) and now I appreciate the calm life. What I love the most about forced sobriety is the clarification it has brought to me. But that’s for another blog…

THIS blog is to focus on what I want to change for next year. 2011 will be a year of re-birth (figuratively and literally haha). My Mom recovering from lung cancer after a miracle diagnosis, the birth of my daughter Sophie, the start of law school again, moving into my own place for the first time in my life…  So I will list some resolutions I am considering and let you dear readers pick which one you think is best for me… So at last, the nominees are:

1. Grow my hair out and DON’T cut it.

2. Start being on time.

3. Stop biting my nails.

4. Promise to do one thing from my list a month.

5. Learn to cook.

6. Learn to use my sewing machine.

7. Go back to being a Vegetarian.

8. Find that someone special.

9. Answer all phone calls from friends.

10. Move to North Carolina.

 

So there they are! My Top 10 resolution choices for 2011… Please vote in the comments section, and I will tally them up at the end of the year and make a decision 😀

Will men ever grow up?

I don’t understand why, even years after I discovered this phenomenon, men still aren’t required to grow up and become responsible. Our society has done such a good job babying our boys that when a man does shirk his responsibility in something it is cast off as normal, typical, and don’t worry about it. Yet women, on the other hand, are forced often times to be the one’s dealing with the responsibilities. Take getting pregnant for example. Recently I have gotten pregnant, and to date we’ve known about it for 2 months now. 2 out of 9 months is no longer considered “new” news. 2 weeks after finding out, sure, that’s new. But since finding out, my baby had grown from a ball of cells to an actual baby with organs and blood cells and ovaries and fingerprints. That’s a pretty big development. Yet men still aren’t required to grow up and be a part of the pregnancy. I’ve read that a woman becomes a parent as soon as she finds out she is pregnant, but for a man, it becomes real at birth. Does that mean that the 9 months of pregnancy are free reign for the men but are jail for the women? That’s a load of crap! Both parties participated in making the baby, and should participate in growing the thing. I’m the one doing all the heavy lifting, sacrificing everything from my body to my lifestyle to even fun activities while the man has to sacrifice nothing? And on top of that bitches when you ask him to do more than his fair share of household duties and chores?!?! Where do men get off?! And during all their bitching about having to do more, they are barely there physically, let alone there at all emotionally. You think men would be interesting in the creating and growing of their child. Afterall they are interested in every aspect of their hobbies, from making sure they have all the gear to bike ride, playing thousands of rounds of a video game to beat a level, and staying involved in their friends’ lives. Yet their own baby they could care less about? Men don’t read pregnancy books, instead choosing to spend hours playing call of duty. It’s a rare man who wants to encapsulate your pregnancy as much as you and your girlfriends do. The man who takes the profile belly pictures every week and posts them on HIS facebook page. The man who tears up during the ultrasound. The man who beems with love and excitement when talking about his creating to friends and family. The man who can’t keep his hands off your belly and makes you keep your feet up while he brings you another round of ice cream and pickles. That man is almost a myth, only to be heard of by a few and a real existence to even less than that. You type into google “how can I encourage my partner to be more interested or involved with our baby” and message board after message board pop up with countless pregnant women, just dying of isolation and lonliness because their men are abondening them emotionally, and some physically, during what is the most important yet toughest time in a woman’s life.

On top of all of that, woman are burdened the most with being “blamed” for being pregnant. It seems that if a woman is excited about a surprise pregnancy, that means she caused it, or forced it, to trap the guy and fulfill her lifelong desire to be with child. Suddenly because one gender is stuck with growing the baby, that gender becomes solely responsible. It’s forgotten by friends and family, of both sides, that the man chose to not participate in birth control just as much as the woman did. As far as I’m concerned, how do I know that the man didn’t want to purposely impregnate me to trap me?? (Chappelle Show: Gotcha Bitch!). But that could never be, men can’t be excited about a surprise pregnancy. And it’s even worse if they don’t want the baby. Maybe men will never understand what it is like exactly to have an abortion. Maybe that’s just the way it is. Even so, to ask a woman to do that, when he is just as much responsible for the consequence as she is, to ask a woman to invade her body and her physche in the awful way that abortions do… it’s unspeakable. Unfortunately the refusal of a woman to abort her fetus becomes even more proof that she planned this and tricked him. Friends start asking “why isn’t she aborting it?” Which, by the way, I don’t ever see how someone who isn’t the mother or father of the child ask that question. Abortion is maybe the most personal choice a woman will ever have to make. It’s personal in that it belongs to her and her only. To suggest that a woman get an abortion, especially if that person isn’t the father, is unfathomable. It would be akin to asking a woman with breast cancer why she isn’t having a mastectomy. Or worse, stating that she should or else… Because what people are essentially saying when they recommend that you abort is that you’re not fit to have a child. Whether it be emotionally, financially, or whatever, their opinion of you becomes clear. What if someone had said that to your mother? How would it feel to know that people wanted you dead, not in this world? How would it feel to know that for 9 months you were being created one of your parents and some of their friends and family not only thought you were a HUGE mistake, but didn’t want you, and wanted to kill you off, and refused to get close to you because you were a manipulation tool instead of a growing baby? It’s pretty awful when you look at with YOU as the perspective.

A friend of mine recently told me that if the man is not ready for it, then he’s allowed to be terrified, and off the hook for his part in situation. That just because I have stepped up to the plate and am ready (hell, as a pregnant woman you really don’t have a choice. You’re forced from the moment the plus sign arrives to change and deal) doesn’t mean he is and thus he receives some sort of hall pass to maturity. My response to that was I guess a man shirking his responsibility in creating a child is totally normal and acceptable. Cool. I guess that means it will be acceptable for the man to bail on 4 am feedings and taking care of the actual baby because he is scared then too huh? I guess it’s completely acceptable and normal for men to walk out on their children. Hell, it does happen all the time right? I was told by my counselor when I first realized I was pregnant that this is a decision I will have to live with, regardless of if the father stays involved or not. It sucks that life set it out to be that way, it truly does. And it sucks even more that society has made it an acceptable decision. Men should be scolded by their other male friends for ditching their pregnant partners at home puking while their out boozing, not rewarded for it. More and more our males encourage eachother to do the immoral action, the one that makes them less of a man and more of a man-boy. I always thought the man of my dreams would quit drinking and partying like crazy when I got pregnant. Not because I couldn’t drink, but to share in the bond that is pregnancy. As a gesture for him to say to his partner, “I know I’m not doing as much as you in carrying this child, but I’m gonna try.” Yet most men, if asked to quit drinking, would think of it as a punishment, not an opportunity to bond. Long gone are the days where men tell another man when he isn’t stepping up to the plate as a husband, partner, or father. And now are the times where men get together to bash their significant others, misplace blame, and seek reinforcement to not grow up.

It’s a sad but true reality. And worst of all, it comes at a time when we women need the most support, and a man to lean on. Glad he was there for the fun part, wish he was here for the real part.

We all experience terrible things in life. Bad people, horrible memories, devastating moments. And, for the most part, we all get through them. We survive, spend time mourning or in anger, and eventually, one day, you move on. You get over it. You feel better. Life continues and you realize the whole world didn’t revolve around whatever it was that brought everything crashing down. And it’s amazing. You learn your lesson, you come out stronger on the other side. Afterall, hindsight is 20/20, and without these mistakes or heartbreaks or whatevers, we can’t grow as a person.

What one doesn’t expect, however, is when these mistakes you made, or problems you survived through get thrown back in your face by those who barely even know you. Cause someone who does really know you would know never to do such a thing. They would know how painful of a time it was that you went through, and they would be able to see the growth that you have made since your world crashed. It’s only the truly ignorant that take something they heard, or they think they understand and use it against you in some current situation. But beyond that, it’s only the truly fucked up that take something you tell them in confidence, as a friend or lover or family member, and take it and use it against you. Question your integrity, accuse you of ulterior motives based on past events.

To me, for what I have been through, especially recently with my life, someone doing this to me is utterly unforgivable. There are already enough events that are uncontrollable happening to me, to all of us, we don’t need people around who choose to cause you chaos. Who choose to accuse you of things. Who choose to bring up something in your past and rub it in your face. It’s truly amazing to me that some people are just that horrible. Just that plain mean. I like to think that all people are good, or want to be good, or are inherently good. But more and more life makes you skeptical. Of good, people, love, I mean, everything. More and more I do believe what I got tattooed on my right arm, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” I am really the only one that stands for myself, and is there for myself. I have to stick up and be for me, because that is the only person I can rely on to do so. I suppose in these situations, you just have to take what others do and say in stride, and ultimately do what is best for your own person. Afterall, I guess the only person you have to live with at the end of the day is you.

Post Tech – Court strikes down FCC indecency rules on fleeting f-bombs

Post Tech – Court strikes down FCC indecency rules on fleeting f-bombs.

Woo hoo! A win for the constitution, first amendment. The FCC is such a horrible organization that seeks to take away the fist amendment by way of Radio/TV and I’m glad the courts have finally ruled against them.

Educate yourself

I can’t even watch this trailer all the way through, but I’ve already decided about a year ago now that I am going to be a vegetarian for the rest of my life. And although I’m not a strict vegan, I don’t drink milk and I use soy butter, although the fake cheese is simply terrible. But the documentary “Earthlings” is one of the most eye opening documentaries about the mean industry, and just living with other beings on this planet in general.

I truly don’t understand how people can watch things like this, know it happens, and yet still participate in the activity. It is such the American way to know that something is being treated horribly, yet to not care because “I’m man, I’m American, I eat meat”. It’s so selfish and irresponsible. Everything… destroying the environment, killing animals so terrible, letting homelessness be a rampant problem. It’s sad. Very sad.

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